Back when I was in school, being smart was not a cool thing.
Like, I used to get beaten up for being smart.
That’s how uncool it was.
I grew up in a world where if your GPA was anything higher than a 2.0, you were officially a nerd and therefore officially unpopular.
And nobody wanted to talk…
1. I can’t swallow pills without feeling a flutter in my stomach and bitterness on my tongue.
2. Shaving your legs proves to be difficult when holding a razor still makes your hands shake and your skin itch.
3. Being hungry isn’t something to be proud of but whenever my stomach growls like a broadcast on how empty I am, a piece of me likes it.
4. My scars have faded but when I wear a bikini the first thing my eyes are drawn to is the patchwork on my hip that only I know is there.
5. When I eat too much my first thought is to push a toothbrush down my throat and my second one is a forced reminder that food is fuel and I need it to survive.
6. A couple times a month I have to file down my nails and hide the sharp things in my room so when the sadness hits me like a plague I can’t hurt myself.
7. I still lie when people ask me if I’m okay as though I shouldn’t know better than to ask for help by now."
- It’s been three goddamn years since my “recovery” and not a lot has changed (via u-u-tf)
As I’ve gotten older and moved on with life my relationship with a lot of people has strained. On the other side, my relationship with many more has in some ways flourished. No matter where I go in life, I will always have love for certain people ; those that understand where my life has…
When you pick a flower
you always choose the best one
the prettiest one
the one that smells the best
you bring it into your house
you bring it into your life
and every time you walk by it
sitting in your windowsill
you enjoy its presence
but when it dies it’s gone
you throw it away
and you don’t spend
remembering the way
each of its petals were shaped
or how it smelled best on sunny afternoons.
No, you enjoy it
while you have it
then you let it go
and you continue
to pick other flowers.
He is your flower.
And god only knows
you picked him
for the best of reasons
but he has wilted in his vase
and you have continued to water him hoping he will come back to life
hoping he will bring you
the same joy you once had together.
But you silly girl
you should know by now.
You can’t hold on to something
that’s already gone.
- an amateur gardener (via fuckyouveryveryymuch)
You know whats fucking scary? The fact that I could literally change my life at any moment. I could stop talking to everyone that makes me unhappy. I could kiss whoever i want. I could shave my head or get on a plane or take my own life. Nothing is stopping me. The entire world is in my hands, and I have no idea what to do with it.